1977 - New to Seattle, I had the good fortune to move into a rollicking shared house that eventually became known as “the Hilton.”
Half my housemates were Kiwis and English lads…..who had an endless flood of friends coming to stay for days, weeks, maybe months. Hence our affectionate residence nickname “The Hilton”…And we soon became known for our tradition of amazing Halloween parties that the Kiwis called“Fancy Dress”. (Think “fabulous costumes” rather than “fancy dresses”.)
One year, I decided to go all out and become a Satyr for that year’s party. A trip to my favorite wholesale fabric and textile store was in order. Rummaging through their vast collection, I found my holy grail - pink shag carpeting which would become my goat legs. A friend helped me sew together my leggings, covering waist to knees. The upper half would be shirtless except for a dazzling tuxedo jacket, complete with tails. Of course I had horns and a devilish goat face. My satyr hooves were fashioned from a pair of pink clogs. The costume was ready —- I should have left it at that.
But NOOOO, I couldn’t be satisfied with less than perfection. My own personal chest and legs were almost hairy enough, but wouldn’t some extra black curly hair be just the thing to complete my outfit? Yes!
I Found the fake, black curly hair.
Next stop - a pharmacy for skin glue. The pharmacy clerk assured me it was water soluble and easily removable. You might sense where I’m going with this. Being a trusting soul, I didn’t test the glue before donning my entire outfit for the big night.
To put it mildly, I was a sensation! I pranced into the Fancy Dress party, pink clogs tapping, arms bent, elbows at my side, my satyr hands held forward, clicking and prancing, dancing to our disco soundtrack with hits like Le Freak and Disco Inferno. What a night! Around one or two AM, after the police, as usual, closed down our party, I threw off my clog hooves, tuxedo jacket, horns, and pink shag leggings, and dropped my hairy self into a tub of hot water for a good soapy soak.
I relaxed in the steamy bath, waiting for the suds and heat to do their magic, loosening the glue, and “voila” the extra hair would fall off. Wait - What - No??? Well, maybe if I pull a bit on the edges? Uh oh….even in my glazed unsteady state, it soon became apparent - the glue was stuck fast. Cursing, I crawled out of the tub, used a towel which did virtually nothing for my wet furry body, then dropped my hairy self into bed.
Late the next morning, I had a look at my body, which had been so magnificent just the night before. Now looking like the aftermath of a forest fire...black, knotted 'hair' all over my chest and lower legs, skin and fur sticking to the bedsheets. Slowly peeling body from bed, I cursed, dressed, made coffee and sought out a different drugstore to resolve my sticky issue.
I carefully made sure my chest and legs were completely covered, then headed out. It was Saturday late morning and the store was full of customers and staff, and there was a lineup at the counter. I finally got up to the clerk, a kindly-looking 60 something woman. I leaned in over the counter and quietly, very quietly, asked if she might recommend something to remove glue from skin.
Looking slightly puzzled, she asked, "What exactly do you mean 'remove glue from skin'?" Hungover and still a little dazed from the night before, I whispered "I'm a little embarrassed, would rather keep this on the down low." I looked left and right, then pulled up my shirt exposing my heavily matted chest. Where upon she gasped, laughed, and yelled across the store, "Hey Shirley, look at this guy’s chest! Do we have anything to remove fake hair and glue?"
All heads in the store whipped around staring at my exposed chest, as I quickly pulled down my shirt. Finally, glue remover in hand, I sheepishly slid out of the store as people laughed, waved, shook my hand, and wished me well. Luckily, it worked. When I got home, I peeled away all remnants of the night’s glory, rolled a joint, eased into my sticky bed sheets for a nap and dreams of my once-in-a-lifetime goat-like glory.
